My kind of gossip

Seventeen years old, sitting in drivers education in eastern Washington, an effervescent blond lit up the room with her smile and authenticity. Her confidence intimated me. I'd never seen a young woman carry herself the way she did. Her name, Melissa. I don't recall the introductions we originally exchanged 11 years ago, but from a let-me-watch-you-from-over-here attitude I was watching her and taking note of the way she interacted with others and played with life.

Melissa's voice captivated me. She delivered her words with intention and grace, and when I heard her sing I was certain this young woman was an immortal who'd been living for centuries. The way she carried herself was unseen and unheard of at my age. (I found out later that she too was 17.)

Melissa has always impressed me. During life's low points she remained dauntless. After high school we were both equally indecisive and simultaneously trying our hands at different "careers." Always involved in the community and giving back to others, Melissa also participated in pageants throughout the years. She had access and interacted in a world I'd always dreamed of, and once I had shied away from. In a sense, she was my hero. I succumbed to my own fears when I had changed my mind at the last minute to participate in a pageant at the age of 13.

One of the last times I saw Melissa was when she was in the budding stages of a long distance relationship. As usual she was giddy about the possibility of where it was going. He sounded like an amazing man, and every time I saw her I begged for updates on their latest dates as quickly as she could spit them out. That was the last I saw of Melissa. A year down the road we connected on a social networking site, and I was elated to see her beautiful wedding pictures to this man that once, only seemed like a dream. He had finally become her reality.

I've been seeking out women who exhibit fearlessness, stories of victory, and an intention to live powerfully. Melissa was one of the first women to come to mind. It's now been close to 2 years since we've last spoke, and catching up a week ago had me enamored at a far greater level. Last week she shared what she'd really been up to after we got past the initial "How are you's?" Melissa was told years ago she'd never be able to have children of her own, and she planned her future with that in mind. As she stated, "It's not like I was selfish back then, I really just had a plan for my life." Melissa became pregnant and because she wasn't married and didn't plan on a child she scheduled an abortion.

When she told me the story I was frozen. After realizing that she could have what she thought she would never have, she changed her mind and kept the baby. Melissa is now a proud mother, deeply in love with her son.

Not being a mother myself, I asked questions like, "What was the process like?" and "Do you feel different now as a woman?" and "How have you changed?" Feeling slightly naive for asking the questions, Melissa answered me with her usual grace. One of the things she said had me pull over to stop and take in her words. I wrote them down, "I read so many books on what to expect so I was prepared, and I couldn't have read enough to prepare me for what was to come." I've heard this phrase, but it felt like a deep part of me was about to be awakened if I pressed for more. "Melissa, going through that experience, would you prepare to do something even if you knew you would never know enough prior to doing it?" (I think in a sense I was really asking myself that.) Melissa paused to grasp what I was asking. Her response was, "Yes."

More than likely I'll never achieve the "enough" prior to actually accomplishing my big dreams. So as of this last week I've been asking myself the same question I asked Melissa, "Would you prepare to do something even if you knew you would never be 'ready' enough prior to doing it?"

I'm living my dreams the moment I'm in action and taking the steps to achieve the fin.


Whenever I run into Melissa it's clear she is alive and present and always standing in a glow. She has a heart of gold to match her hair, and a smile that begs you to have a seat and unfold your heart.

She has left a mark upon my life.


Xox,

Sarah