Rosie the Riveter didn't wear a watch

Tonight I cried. At first I cried out of frustration and then it felt like all the emotions that I could possibly contain at once had suddenly collided. I couldn't decipher joy from pain. I couldn't distinguish the inner woman from my inner child. It was as if the two were embracing each other while screaming so loud that neighboring galaxies could hear their cry.

My "world" was loud in my moment of emotional-supernova and I was fed up with the chaos. I suddenly wanted power and peace like I've never had it.

I've been waiting for things, people, circumstances, and myself to "perfectly align" with what I think SHOULD happen before I can make grandiose moves to fulfill my dreams. Truthfully, I've been waiting for my husband to complete my life, and that's only one area of many that I had been waiting. Throughout my lifetime I've heard and have been told my husband won't complete me. I knew it to be true, but it became real when I looked at all the areas of my life that I've been waiting. Let me share my evening experience:

I received a wedding invitation from my dearest male friend from my home town. I've known him since we were both eleven years old. As we've grown older we've grown closer. He's held me accountable, pushed me to pursue my dreams, given me grace, and remained steadfast in our friendship. If I am capable of loving a man as much as I've loved my friend how much more can I love the man of my dreams?  I don't know the answer to that, but I can tell you I've been waiting longingly for such a man.

A pit in my stomach grew deeper with envy and jealousy after reading through the sections of "How we met" and "The proposal" on their wedding site. I wanted to know where my soul mate was. Don't I deserve a fairy tale? I found my stomach-pit revolting when I realized I hadn't initially chosen happiness at the realization of how deep their love was for each other.

I felt low in that moment. As usual my dear friend and roommate came home at the perfect time and asked the question "What's going on with you?" and thus began our conversation. My answer was provided in the form of tears, and my friend knows me well enough to just let me "ride" my Sarah-train. After letting 'er rip through words and tears I realized that when I "wait for life to happen" this gets me off the hook for taking the actions necessary to get what I want in life. For example, I've been waiting to buy a large camera so I look more like a fashion photographer when approaching strangers on the street instead of using the point and shoot that I currently own. I've let life happen to me, instead of making life happen.

Well my friends, I think it's about time we take this bull that we call "Life" by the horns and steer it where we actually want to go.

Where do you want to go? What dream do you want to accomplish? Is there something you haven't done yet because your waiting? If yes, define what you're waiting for.

Be honest with yourself with this next question, and you don't have to tell anyone your answer if you don't want to:

Is what you're waiting for really a requirement to accomplish what you want or would getting what you're waiting for make achieving your dream easier?

So you've been "waiting" for something to happen; how's that working for you?

When I see that I'm "waiting" for something I just go do it! Tonight I was studying and I was waiting for my roommate to walk by to ask him to turn on a light. Instead of waiting I got up and did it myself and it felt great. All of a sudden I had the power to do what I wanted! I've been studying for a test, and instead of waiting until I felt like studying this evening I just started studying.

I'm looking forward to this change playing out in bigger areas of my life. I understand that it takes confidence to go do something that I wouldn't normally do, and when I take the initiative and try something new it's best if I allow myself some room to screw it up. It's more fun to mess it up then to play it safe.

An interview with Drew Barrymore was one of the many articles in October's Bazaar that I poured over last night.  Drew is quoted to say, "I never have been insecure, because I see what a waste it is."  Reading that last night may have paved the way to my realization of my own time wasting.

I'm ready to love life again.


Xox,

Sarah



PS. You're going to see some new posts my friends. The long awaited story will soon be made public. In addition, I'm now a volunteer for a local dog rescue organization here in San Diego that gives dogs a second chance at a loving family. I'll be helping out at my first event this Saturday, and I'll keep you posted!

The perks of jerk pulls

Alright ladies, who doesn’t like to double-take an attractive guy? Do you not coyly watch an attractive man from a distance while salivating? How many of you can’t help but rubber neck when you see a guy who looks like he just stepped off the shoot for GQ’s August cover? I have and I’m glad I was wearing mirrored sunglasses that morning.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I feel guilty putting the shoe on the other foot and ogling, but when there is beauty in front of me I want to stare in wonderment. I know us females aren’t the “visual” type of the two sexes, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I am and I wouldn’t be astonished if a few more of you ladies came out of the woodwork. We can appreciate beauty amongst each other in the hen house, and some of us may have a hard time admitting to it but we check out the other roosters, a lot.

I can appreciate a good looking guy, and what’s even more attractive is a guy of great character, but let’s be real - most of you women reading this are still single and you haven’t quite been able to land the guy who has both the GQ assets and the cowboy-character-quality to tame a wild mustang that you’re looking for, and yes… the man of your dreams would do it and in a pair of classic Levi’s, and he looks something like this guy.

If you’ve read this far and you are frustrated that I’m elaborating on a shallow topic, I’ll let you know that I do have a point, however you might not like it. Thanks for getting this far, please press on my beautiful friend!

I was getting my semi-annual pedicure several Saturday’s ago, and I felt it was well deserved even if my pocket book didn’t indicate so. The Friday night prior to my indulgence consisted of an unplanned 6.5 mile run heading north along the California coast line, in which during my shin-splints intensified, and still I kept going. Why you might ask, because I couldn’t fill my line of site or my nose up with enough wide shouldered men and Aqua De Gio; both two regular Friday night attendees of the San Diego boardwalk. My legs were hurting, there was no question, but I would pay the extra $5 for a 10 minute calf massage the following morning for the price of taking in the scenery. The male pheromones were acting like natural steroids, and I wanted to swim in the testosterone.

For the record, I can scrub my own feet, rub my own legs, and paint my own nails, but there is something different about getting pampered. Let me tell you why I was really at the nail salon. I feel likened to Esther readying herself for her King. I feel like I’m preening my feathers for a mate. While I was gyrating in the salon’s massage chair I realized that I, as many women do, was indulging in a ritual of beautification; a rarity nowadays for me, and not because I’m lazy or I don’t have time, but because I’ve transformed in the area of spending my well earned money.  I find myself engaging in free activities much more than I use to, and they are fairly healthy activities. I run no less than 2 miles a day several times a week, I spend more time outside then I once did by walking the dog or playing at the beach. I read up on subjects and events that actually interest and inspire me, and since I’ve started to I feel CONSIDERABLY more attractive. I should say I feel more attractive to myself which in turn increases my confidence, and thus results in being attractive to the opposite sex. Confidence is my latest accessory.

I used to artificially tan (minimum $20 a month) the result: an olive-orange tint. Color my hair (anywhere from $8 from a drug store’s box to $70 at the salon) result: a gamble every time; to say the least, I didn’t always like my hair color. Bi-weekly manicure and pedicure ($40 with tip) result: less in the bank account and nail color I could have bought for $8 that would last me two years. A membership to a gym ($30 a month) result: going 3 times a month, little-to-no routine, and no quality male suspects as I had expected. There is plenty of muscle to be had, but definitely no GQ or cowboy characters standing around the bench press waiting to ask me for my phone number.

The list goes on, and I only mention the above because I used to partake in the indulgence which would leave a hefty dent in my wallet and a phone call to the parentals asking them for moral and financial support.

Buying those things did not leave me fulfilled or feeling beautiful and alive. What does leave me feeling that way is running on the sidewalks of my own neighborhood; I see more of my local surroundings, and get a greater sense of community by seeing the same people regularly, and it sure beats seeing the meatheads in the gyms I attended. It’s also FREE!

In addition, I spend time in local shops as a result of running by them. Which contributes to the support of local mom-and-pop joints that I once swore I would never work outside of. It’s almost become a Saturday morning tradition for me to go to a local café called Newbreak, order my favorite latte and baklava and read up on fashion, travel, and wild-whimsical women.

Lastly, I eat healthier! I love shopping in the fruit and veggie section of the local People’s market. When I’m physically active, I have a natural tendency to take in what the earth’s surface brings out.

Other bonuses are clearing of the complexion, stamina, slimming down, increased energy, etc … and this all happens because I’m physically fit, and the fitness has taken the form that I love to engage in, and it’s free.

What I am getting at is that us women should spend less time buying the things that we think make us look beautiful, and instead get our beautiful bums out the front door into mother nature and PLAY! Guys LOVE to play, and they are fiery over women who know how to have fun. I promise, that if you forgo something small this month, and in turn at the very least replace it with a 30 minute physical activity every couple days, your smile will be brighter, your confidence will start to break through the glass ceiling, and your honey (or potentials) will take notice. Let’s face it, even if a guy isn’t the immediate result of your new pursuits, you’re more than likely to transform into a new lifestyle and a healthy way of being.

Going back to what I said, I love a man who is in shape, and more often than not I date a guy with muscle. (If he doesn’t have muscle his music abilities make up for it.) But now I see that if I want a guy who is in shape, he more than likely appreciates a woman with a great physique. I’m not saying I forgo my own health or personal morals to change myself for a man. No, in fact the opposite! I am more confident in pursuing my favorite physical fitness to live a healthier more powerful existence, and in the meantime I will cross my fingers that I attract my GQ-Keith Urban.

For those of you who are blessed with the love of your life don’t think you’re going to get off the hook easily. Your guy digs you, and probably loves you to no end… even if he’s got a little more going on around the mid-section than you’d prefer, that doesn’t mean you can’t get your hot-pants into new workout maneuvers. He’s into you, but what if you were to present the transformed you - and I’m talking about the “boss woman” that you are - not the physical Suzanne Summers you’ve never wanted to be.

Girls, take a “me” night this week and stay in, soak your feet, shape your own eyebrows, clean up your cuticles, all while sporting a face mask that’s been collecting dust at the back of your hallway closet. Load your ridiculously favorite romantic chick flick into your DVD player, pour your favorite drink, and let the good times roll!

The challenge is to spend less money on yourself this month, work your bootylicious body out, and once you do that… your beauty will begin to emerge like you’ve wanted it to. I’d encourage you to cut back on spending money, and be more physically active. Did you love riding your tricycle as a little girl? Get back on a 2-wheeled land cruiser! Loved building forts with the boys around the neighborhood? Get going on the projects in the yard this summer!  Feeling lazy and loved  being poolside with all your childhood girlfriends gabbing over Devon Sawa in Tiger Beat? Grab Augusts’ issue of Vanity Fair and pour over the articles that fuel your heart.

Bottom line, do you want a good looking guy? Be a beautiful bombshell to yourself!

Make purchases that you actually love to treat yourself with, and let the other “perks” take the back burner. 

Xox,

Sarah

To you, from thine own heart.

“Thank you.” I mean it from the depths of my heart. I have received amazing feedback and incredible encouragement to continue writing. Your emails, phone calls, text messages, and conversations have indicated the impact my expressions have had on you.

Since I was a little girl, I longed to make a difference and to one day see the influence I’ve had on people, and thus… that journey has begun.

To provide proof as to how much your encouragement means to me, I broke out a readily available box appropriately labeled “Words” that I keep on my desk at home. I have photographed its contents for your viewing pleasure. For several decades I have stowed away things as small as notes scribbled on café napkins to hand written 5 page letters. Each item is either words of thank you, affirmations, encouragement, or acknowledgements for the silliest of times I’ve spent with people. At any job I’ve ever had email at I create a file titled “W,” and I keep emails available for when I need a little pick me up in the day. It's simple, I save words because I cherish them. I am sharing this with you because I want you to experience the impact you not only have on me, but can have on the remaining world population that you so happen to grace your presence with. Whether its your written or your spoken word, you have the ability to contribute to the life of others.

When I was young my little brother and I each had a miniature mail drop that we’d leave outside our bedroom doors. For several weeks we would write notes and leave them in each other’s tin mailbox.  I found one of his notes that read, “I’re sary that I choket you and puncht you but I still love you and I hope we dont get in a fite.” (He was 6 when he wrote it.)

Here is a snap shot of my favorite book since 1996, the Thesaurus. It has been well loved and well-travelled.

 I would like to share with you what I’m up to with this blog. I have an intention and I suspect as time passes the direction may change. The current theme is to empower people, to move them, to bring you to moments of contemplation through the written word. I want you to enjoy the guilty pleasure of thinking about yourself and what moves you to feeling powerful and “fearless” so you have the ability to transport yourself there, day or night.

In the meantime, I wait in eagerness to hear what you’re doing in your life that moves you powerfully. What makes you, you? What lights a fire under your rump every morning, every afternoon, evening and night?

Your words are fuel to my fire. Thank you.


 Xox,

Sarah 

PS. I have interviewed fierce women on the topic of power and their experience of “fearlessness.” Many men have openly contributed their involvement in regards to what it’s like to be with their woman in her moment of fearlessness. The article is still underway, please stay tuned!

Words that move a woman

I once heard that it's important for a single woman to be hugged at least 6 times a day. I don't know whether or not the number is statistically correct, however I do understand the importance of touch. I often go several weeks without something as simple as someone brushing my arm, and then I notice that a hug sends me into an emotional spiral and I recognize I've been missing the physical attention of another human being. To clarify, it's not necessarily a form of a romantic physical connection I'm speaking of, but the same feeling you might get when your mother or close friend hugs you or taps your leg during a conversation.

A similar reaction was stirred in me with the use of a single word this morning. I received a text message from a relative who I recently formed a powerful bond with. He began a text message with the endearing name "Baby" and I was basically thrusted into the same emotional-fit physical touch has on me. My entire life, I have appreciated the power of a word, but this morning's word emphasized an internal personal craving. The innocent use of the name “baby” knocked me off my morning routine, and I was emotionally shaken like something had been called forth from the depths of my soul.

A word that routinely rolls off my lips was directed at me, and I was overwhelmed by the powerful reaction I had. I am the friend to quickly nickname or refer to people as something other than their legal first name, but the tables had been turned. What I thought was a playful way of referring to my friends, was actually what I had been longing for myself. For the first time in my life I recognize how important it is to me that the men I dearly love use choice words when we converse. I see the impact  words have on my heart, and I long for the nectar of adoration that drips rich in their vocabulary.  For any young girl or woman, it is almost necessary and certainly healthy to be adored by the men closest to them (fathers, brothers, relatives, friends, etc..) and something as simple as "Hun" from any of them can fill my love cup up for days.

I draw from the love of those around me, as most everyone does, and I'm encouraged by their recognition of my presence in their life. It is important to me to know I've touched people or have moved them in some way. Since I tend to use words to communicate my ardor and loyalty, it profoundly affects me when others return the favor in the same form; it melts me. As I age, my desire increases to encourage people through the spoken word to press forward in life and achieve what they truly want.

Even if am never told that I've influenced or have moved someone I would still like to think I have stirred even complete strangers I've only had the pleasure to smile at.

If you know a single woman or man, be sure to embrace them or acknowledge who they are to you and your life.

Xox (If I could physically “Xox” each of you I would)

Sarah

On Texas' time

I left San Diego Wednesday morning and returned home Sunday evening. Check out several days of my travels....
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
 
I'm currently sitting in the Denver airport at Gate B54, waiting to board a flight to Dallas. Tomorrow I will be attending my aunt's memorial service and spending time with relatives I haven't seen in 23 years. It's during times of travel that I feel free, I feel alive, and at peace with myself. I feel like a woman who can stand on top of the world with fearlessness. (And in that moment I feel like any man's dream – I’ll expound more on this later - men, you'll want to check that blog out, I'll be interviewing women so you can gain a little insight on what to do when a woman is feeling that raw power) It's the journey, and the thrill of knowing anything can happen that brings me to levels of freedom. The feeling stirs me to a deep sense of power, an untouchable, immovable power. Traveling is a seductive dance with time and geography, and I am aroused by the adventure.

Many have already stated the following regarding our advancement, but I'm deeply elated with the capability of being able to travel to three major cities in one day. Of course more earth has been covered in a day, but this travel time is specific to me, and I feel alive right now.

Of course I don't always feel so powerful. I’m an occasional stubborn, always independent, know-it-all, self-titled cool woman. Due to these “qualities” I missed my flight from San Diego to Denver this morning because I wanted to keep my cool by walking through the airport at an I’m-comfortable-with-life pace. Looking back at the morning mishaps, it is clear that I'm in my mind much of the time. I'm continually trying to achieve a state of looking good and avoiding looking bad. I’ve taken a make-believe chill pill. I’m now content and enamored with the current state of my wanderlust.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Note to self: Write a blog on the relationships from a woman’s point of view. Elaborate on how a lack of confidence can be a deal breaker. Emphasis on the “approach and pounce” method and how detrimental it can be. Yuck!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Though I'm flying home after a long weekend with family and new friends I find myself unusually optimistic. Perhaps it's the good company I was with, or it's the current realization that life actually IS good and that the control I’ve tried to have on life was completely unnecessary. Speaking with a cousin of mine only reaffirmed a longing to encourage women to be bold and confident with who they are. Another cousin was an astonishing example of what a husband and father can be and has therefore caused me to readjust my sites. I was able to spend time with beautiful children who clearly understand the real beauty in life and how to be the very essence of joy. The time spent with them reassures me that I will one day be a spectacular mother. All in all, I will wait for these things.

There is  more I wish to accomplish before adding more responsibilities, and this includes constantly loving those who surround and support me. At the end of this weekend I still cannot forget to acknowledge what brought us all together: my beautiful, free-spirited aunt. Though she passed over a month ago, we celebrated her life this week. Thank you to my cousins, and thank you to my Aunt Linda, you are forever loved.

I also want to acknowledge my cousin Angela for being a powerful inspiration to me and to, I suspect, so many other women. I'm proud to have you in our family.

All my love,

Sarah

5.5 months in Southern California

Since I last wrote a blog I have crossed through Oregon State, met relatives I had only ever heard of, cried over my grandfather and uncle's grave, slept on floors, found employment, broke the key off in my ignition, purchased a wetsuit, been on 6 dates, kissed one man, made friends, put my foot in my mouth, attended one church session, reveled for 2 hours at the power of smiling, surfed on Thanksgiving, long boarded the boardwalk while listening to Perry Como, drank too much wine, drank too much sangria, met a pro football player, ate pizza off the ground, dressed up like a pilot, learned how to listen better, pursued happiness through attaining material goods, failed at finding happiness by attaining material goods, meditated in  a Self-Realization Fellowship garden, bent the piston in my engine, pushed my car through a small alleyway-river, watched a man receive the Heimlich maneuver, sang "At Last" to 3 strangers, wrestled with dogs resulting in a scar across my leg, admired pelicans in flight, walked the beach at midnight, lost 15 lbs, become a fan of Yerba-Matte, purchased 3 new pairs of jeans, given money to a homeless man, attempted to buy a new car, registered for a marathon, and blacked out while surfing.

I am, at the very least, pleased with how my life has gone in San Diego, and I am proud of where I have come from and where I am going. There have been days I have questioned my ability to accomplish daily tasks, but not once have I questioned my ability to achieve the dreams I set out to do.

My views on many things have changed: money, men, friends, authority, weather, joy, sadness, religion, and smiling. Yet, in all of my time spent in San Diego, I have not lost who I am. Life only gets better as time passes. Though I may feel like I am walking in circles, I am learning cadence, patience, discipline, and the beauty of pure joy.

I don't want to be anywhere else or live anyone's life but my own.

Bon Voyage